Karin van der Laag

Byline: A humourous look at our language errors.

By: Karin van der Laag

I am in love with language. It’s a kind of addiction. I eat books, devouring all written things. The hazard, for me, in this pursuit is grammar and punctuation.

No matter how much we proofread there will almost always be an “eror” (joke!) in our final texts. We cannot rely on Microsoft Editor and Grammarly alone as they miss some native speaker nuances. Alexander Pope is said to have written: “To err is human, to forgive, divine”. English writers and speakers often err in spelling, grammar and pronunciation.

Let’s start with the pet peeve of people over 50.

Members of the older generation tear their hair out when hearing “Ve-high-kil” instead of “veer-kel” for the thing that we drive. I think we can all hear the difference but have heard the wrong pronunciation so many times, we follow how others say it, lest they tell us we are trying to sound posh or “better than”.

As a film and television Casting Director I have heard some real pronunciation classics in the casting studio but my all-time favourite happened during the casting of a sophisticated female character. The poor actress had to say “I hope I am not making a faux pas, but…”

I know what you are thinking: “faux pas” is French so why should we care? The fact is the English language has appropriated many French words and phrases. If you insist that “faux pas” is not English, you strictly shouldn’t use the following everyday words, which all derive from French: parliament, justice, captain, lieutenant, sergeant, cuisine, sauté, pastry, cafe, hotel and rendezvous. Let’s count ourselves lucky that we don’t have to deal with another English root: Latin.

As the day went on the word “faux pas” developed a life of its own.

I don’t assume to know the perfect French pronunciation of “faux pas”, but it is safe to say that the correct way to pronounce it in English is “fo” (like “low”) and “pas” with a silent “s” and the “a” sound like  “ma”.

My actresses came up with the following: “fox pas”, “fauks pause”, “fo packs” and “foz paz”.  The funny part was that saying: “I hope I am not making a “faux pas” and pronouncing it “fox pas” kind of proved the point!

I mitigate my frustration at grammar and punctuation mistakes by the (super uncool) habit of downloading copy from online articles and going wild with track changes. (Even I concede that saying “not cool”, is seriously “uncooler” than saying “uncool”).

There is a difference between “lost in translation” and in making up idioms. It seems that junior copywriters (for some famous publications) are trying so hard to avoid repetition that they make up clauses as they go along. A good example I recently noticed was: “an outpouring of comments”. I edited this to “many comments” saying that “outpouring” is generally associated with grief and if we try it the other way round, we will have “an outpouring of comments” and “many grief”!

Some classic mistakes include: the use of the  dreaded apostrophe. For once and for all: “it’s” is a contraction for “it is”, in the same way “you’re” is a contraction of “you are”. Example: “The dog wagged its tail” instead of “The dog wagged it’s tail”.  

I think many of us have forgotten what a minefield English tenses present to English students. There are 3 tenses – past, present and future –  that are used in the following forms: simple, perfect, and continuous.

It’s no wonder we sometimes mess these up by saying: “people is happy” instead of “people are happy”. It doesn’t help that in Afrikaans, we say: “mense is bly”. Similarly, “she have” instead of “she has” is also a direct Afrikaans translation of “sy het”. English is a tricky mistress because “people” sounds like it’s plural, when in English it is single (as in a group of people). English sees “people” as one entity.  

Using “less” for countable items instead of “fewer” is also common. For example: “less” people instead of “fewer “people. According to Grammarly: “If you can count it (people, apples), use “fewer”. If you cannot count it individually or it’s a measurement/amount  (water, money), use “less”.

Using two negatives in one sentence, (“I didn’t do nothing”) although found in American movies, is wrong. Afrikaans makes use of the double negative: “Ek het dit nie gedoen nie” which translates to “I did not do this / it”. Dutch people do not use the double negative. They say “Ik heb dat niet gedaan” which has a single negative. Dutch speakers find it hilarious that the same phrase in Afrikaans translates to “I have that not done not” because they see a double negative as a positive! All languages have their challenges.

Let’s move onto spelling: “stationery” not “stationary”, “espresso” vs “expresso”. Unfortunately this latter error has been immortalized in a popular breakfast show, so now we all say it.

Other classic Southafrican-isms include: “Is it?” (directly translated from “Is dit?”.  This should ideally be “really?” or “is that so?”.

“Shall we” is actually a suggestion and not an invitation to exit. South Africans famously gesture to the nearest exit and say “shall we?”.

Something fun to do in your spare time is to use the fanciest language you can find to write an insult: “That philistine riled at me in an acrimonious manner, with a litany of lurid non sequiturs. Answering with elan, I said: “You are the epitome of an atrocious fool. You finagle with ingratiating and gratuitous folly and I find you indelicate, insidious, infinitesimally tiresome and peevish. Your unfathomable behaviour leads me to seek out oblivion and that is a euphemism”. Have fun looking all that up!

Tourists are unendingly amused by the South African use of “just now” and “now-now”. It is notoriously difficult to explain. If they grew up with us they would know that now-now means “very soon” or “shortly” and “just now” means “in a little while and not immediately”. I think kids and employees use these interchangeably to confuse an authority figure who wants a task done. The rest of the world just says “now”.

But let’s not feel too bad. Here are some hilarious international signs listed in

Lost in Translation by Andy Bell

A Bucharest hotel sign says: “The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.” In a Paris hotel elevator: “Please leave your values at the front desk” which is on par with: “The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid” (former Yugoslavia).

In Greece: “Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 a.m. daily” and in Moscow: “You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday.” A Hong Kong tailor shop says: “Ladies may have a fit upstairs” while Bangkok dry-cleaners state: “Drop your trousers here for best results.”

A Danish airline announces: “We take your bags and send them in all directions” while a Norwegian lounge says: “Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar”.

A Tokyo car rental firm states: “When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor”.

In conclusion, we all have a long way to go. I kiddeth you not!